Indonesian Buddhist Community

Source of Article: www.tinybuddha.com

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

I went camping recently, something that I was really looking forward to, but I didn’t last long. Due to health conditions, my friend and I had to abandon camp at 3 AM on the first night because the cold go to me in a big way.

This awful experience has left me feeling dejected and rather ashamed of myself. Who the hell can’t manage a couple of nights camping? I’m being too hard on myself, but the point is I’m feeling angry.

You know what that whole anger thing is like:
Your kid goes over the other side of town with friends when you’ve asked them not to because you don’t want them to get hurt. Your sister borrows your favourite top and spills wine down it, then hides it back in your wardrobe. Your best friend nails that promotion after saying she wouldn’t apply because she knew you were desperate for it.

There are countless situations in our lives that can give rise to anger. It’s up to us to recognize them and do something about it before it gets out of hand.
I admit it: I am an angry person. How angry you ask?

A young girl walked up to me in my village and asked me to buy her cigarettes the other day. The bile shot into my throat and I yelled at her without even thinking, furious that a child had just asked me to illegally purchase a dangerous product for her.
I was livid to see that a man went on to buy the cigarettes for the girl and pretty much boiling over with rage at the shop keeper who knew the kids were trying to pull a fast one and didn’t bother to question the man. I watched the whole thing happen and then I seethed for the whole day over it.

I thought about how I wanted to thump the girl for being so stupid, the man for breaking the law and the shop keeper for being so apathetic. I indulged these little fantasies for the whole day. They virtually consumed me until my best friend pointed out that I was seriously overreacting and setting myself up to be ignored when all I want is to be heard.
I consider myself to be a good person but my extreme anger makes me intolerable—I know this. I frighten people when I lose my rag.
But why am I like this?

As I ranted on to my friend, I explained that all I ever see is destruction, war, death and suffering. I see liars and those who just want to fill their pockets at other people’s expense. I see the knowingly selfish and people who don’t care about others.  I see an unjust world where people, animals, and the planet all suffer at the expense of the seemingly few. It makes me wild.
My friend was quick and right to point out, that because I see all of this I’m blinding myself to the good things in life: the people who do care about the planet, those who douphold a strong set of morals and live by them, and others who are just and do the right thing.
I forget about myself too—the good things I make happen like writing here and sharing my experiences openly and without shame.

My anger stems from my passion and desire for a better world. I want things to be better for everyone (including myself – especially myself). But it’s my current inability to express these things and be heard, to be taken seriously, that give rise to the firestorm that is my anger.
Nobody is pulling me up for it, nobody is telling me off for losing my temper so easily and frequently (I’m not surprised by this actually because I’d certainly not confront me for it!). Odds are nobody is going to.

In the meantime, I am suffering because of my anger:
- People won’t listen to me or take me seriously because all they see is an incoherent screaming ball of wrath.
- The incoherence is another point – how can I articulate myself over the things I believe in if my anger stops me from getting my words in the right order?
- Because I’m hung up on my anger, I can’t let it go which means it affects me physically. It makes me feel sick as my blood pressure soars; I begin to go deaf and everything starts to get fuzzy around the edges and I even get chest pains.
- Being angry all the time is a lonely business. Not many people want to be around someone who can snap at the smallest incident.
- Anger causes blindness. I can’t see the whole picture when I’m hell bent on venting my fury and exacting my will.
- I always say things I regret when I’m gnashing my teeth – usually to the people I love the most. Everything comes out, nothing is censored.
- I have little joy in my life right now because everything gets under my skin and annoys me, and then I get irritated by this fact.

I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life and I can guess that you wouldn’t either.
The first step of moving away from my punishing anger is admitting that I’m angry, understanding why and forgiving myself for it—which I’ve begun to do thanks to my best friend who took the time to stand up to me and show me my reflection.
The next step is learning to let it go and be the person I want to be.
Deep breath, here goes…

Cooling Heart

By: Fenny

I’ve just got back from the retreat with Sayalay Dipankara in Ipoh . The fantastic cave temple aside, this retreat differs from other retreats I’ve been to in the coolness I experienced in the heart. There’s a lot of mindfulness and moderation – in food and in sleeping.

Moderation

Normally, my weakness is food. When faced with a good variety of food, I have the tendency to take all of them, and to take more of what I like – the characteristics of greed. When this happened, there was a lot of inner struggle because of the conflict between my behavior and the Food Reflection done just before we were to partake our food. The Food Reflection goes like this:

“Reflecting wisely on this food,

I use it not to distract my mind,

not to gratify desire,

not to make my form impressive

or to make it beautiful.

But simply for the sustenance and continuance of this body

And to fulfill the practice of the holy life.

With this attitude in mind,

I will allay hunger without overeating

So that I may continue to live

blamelessly and at ease”

What I did was the complete opposite – I ate to gratify my desire, and for that very reason, it distracted my mind. Hence I experienced the aftereffect: I was not at ease. Excess of food in the body causes it to be heavy and drowsiness comes easy. What’s worse is the effect of such action to the mind: As I let greed ruled the mind, it often completely took over. The mind laden with greed is gross and not at ease. It behaves like a crazy person. The more one feeds the fire of greed, the more it burns. The more one gratifies one’s desires, the thirstier one is.

Now in this retreat I tried doing something different. I ate in moderation – in the amount and variety. I didn’t want to go after the food. My purpose of coming here was to train the heart and that requires a great amount of mindfulness. I didn’t want to do anything that hinders or goes against the way of the practice. I made the determination (aditthana) not to eat my fill, but to take around 80% of my bodily need. That should be enough to sustain me, as Ajaan Maha Boowa (a Thai Forest Tradition Monk, believed to be Arahant) sometimes even take much less and consumes only one meal a day, whereas I consumed two. As soon as I was about to fill full, I let go of the food, whatever that is, even if that was my favorite food. After I let go, I no longer thought about the food at all. I simply walked away to clean my dishes. Practicing in this way, the heart was very cooling as I didn’t give in to the greed. Hence, for the whole period of 10 days, I was able to feel completely at ease even when eating. It is only now that I act in accordance to the food reflection. And for that, I was rewarded with a sense of ease in the heart. It was not difficult at all. The sense of ease that comes from eating in moderation gives rise to a cooling heart, and that in turn encouraged me to continue on practicing in this way. And how much good that does to the practice! The practice goes along the line of non-greed, non-hatred, non-delusion. When we act in ways that give rise to greed, hatred and delusion, we are actually going against the stream of practice. As a result, the practice cannot go smoothly. This practice of moderation in food also aids in supporting mindfulness.

Mindfulness

In the retreat setting, it is not too difficult to be mindful most of the time as there are many supporting factors: The presence of a good teacher with constant reminder of the practice, the presence of fellow yogis who are striving together, the quiet environment, the good food and enough time to rest. As a rule there is a lag of mindfulness and this happened often. But the period of mindfulness is long enough for us to know how mindfulness feels like, and that, put in juxtaposition with the unmindfulness which is the more common mode of our normal living, allows us insight into the stark difference between mindfulness and unmindfulness. Being unmindful is like being a crazy person. One doesn’t really know what one is doing. One simply rushes about doing this and that, without clear comprehension and presence of mind in what one is really doing. For common run-of-the-mill people, period of unmindfulness is so much longer with possibly no moment of mindfulness that it feels normal to be crazy like that. It feels normal because it is the state of mind most of the time, with nothing to inform the mind what ‘sane’ is like.

*****

May you all be well and happy,
Fen

How can I forgive you my friend, you have hurt me so much
How can I forgive you my friend, after you left a deep scar inside my heart
How can I forgive you my friend, my life has become so miserable since then
How can I forgive you my friend, you've taken away all my happiness

What you said and what you did keep on replaying inside my head
Those hurtful words and intolerable actions pictured so clearly in my mind
The word "friendship" that used to be the word of hope and happiness
It has now changed into a meaningless term and even pointless to talk about

I don't know how much tears that I've shed
Nor that I know how many sleepless nights I've gone through
The only thing I know ... I'm no longer the one who I used to be
Trapped inside the darkness and gloom with no way to break free

Oh Lord Buddha, how can I get out of all these troubles
How can I overcome the pain deep rooted inside my heart
How can I be happy and cheerful again
I want to get out of this, I want to break free, I want peace, I want happiness!

In the midst of this sorrow and despair, I suddenly realise ...
There's no way to be happy, if I don't allow myself to be
There's no way to have a clean house, without cleaning all the dusts and dirt inside
There's no way to overcome this hatred, without first accepting the person's mistakes

Yes friend, no point allowing your mistakes keep playing inside my mind
I have to press the "stop" button to end this seemingly endless refrain
No matter what you've said and done, I sincerely forgive you....
Just as how I wish my wrongdoings be forgiven by others

I forgive you ... with all my heart
Even if you don't take me as your friend anymore, I accept you as you are
Life goes on, time flows by, and we gotta move on
Let's learn from the past, but not live in it

It just takes a moment to snap this beautiful feeling
The moment of peace, so soothing and comforting
My tense goes down and my smile arises
May you be well and happy, my friend ... take care!

By: Luis Tirtasanjaya
Created on: 2 March 2009
Posted at: Kolam Teratai Network

Kedamaian, sebuah pencarian tak berujung
Segala usaha telah kutempuh, tetapi batinku tak kunjung damai jua
Bagaikan api yang terus menerus membara
Tak pernah padam, walaupun kutiup terus-menerus dengan segenap tenaga

Kubertanya, di manakah dapat kucari kedamaian?
Kubertanya, di manakah ada kedamaian?
Kubertanya, apa yang harus kulakukan untuk memperolehnya?
Kubertanya ... mengapa aku terus mencarinya?

Kucoba lagi, dan kucoba lagi, pantang menyerah
Tetapi hanyalah lelah yang kudapatkan
kedamaian yang kunantikan tak kunjung tiba
Putus asa memenuhi batinku, kejengkelan pun memuncak

Bagaikan seorang anak kecil yang bosan mencoba
Aku pun merengek dan berteriak
"CUKUP SUDAH! Saya tidak mau bermain lagi!"
Ku menyerah dan masa bodoh dengan segala usahaku ... Aku BERHENTI!

Kupejamkan mata, kulemaskan tubuhku
Terduduk tanpa usaha... kelelahanpun menyebar di seluruh tubuhku
Kulepaskan segala kepenatanku, kubiarkan semua berjalan apa adanya
kumerasa ringan... ringan ... dan semakin ringan ....

Semua serasa berhenti ... waktupun sudah kulupakan
hanya ada hembusan nafas yang terasa ... berjalan secara alami
Kuperhatikan nafasku, yang mengalir bagaikan sungai di pegunungan
Begitu jernih ... begitu alami ... memberikan kehidupan

Ah .... indahnya alunan nafas ini, tidak pernah kuperhatikan sebelumnya
tanpa usaha, semuanya mengalir dengan indah
Akupun tidak ingat lagi, misiku untuk mencari kedamaian
Yang kutahu ... aku sangat menyukai saat2 ini

Hening .... tenang .... tiada yang mengganggu
Santai ... tanpa usaha ... begitu menyenangkan
Mengalir ... alami ... sejalan dengan proses alam
tiada kata yang dapat kuucapkan untuk melukiskan semua itu ...
Selain ... KEDAMAIAN

Mettacittena,

Luis

Created: 9 September 2008
Posted at Forum Secangkir Teh - Puisi Room

和平

和平，一个寻找不到镜头
已用尽所有全力，但心灵还未见到所谓的和平
如一直燃烧着的火...
永不熄灭，虽我已尽全力的想吹灭它

我问，在哪里才能找到和平？
我问，在哪里会有和平？
我问，我该做什么才能够得到它？
我问。。。我为什么要寻找它？

我一试再试，决不放弃
但只换回一身疲倦
我一直等待的和平未见踪影
我的心灵深处已充满了绝望，恼怒如火山爆发

像个已厌倦尝试的小孩子般
我也大哭大吵
“够了！我不想再玩了”
我放弃了，管他什么努力。。我停止！

我闭上眼睛，放松身体
没有力气的坐着。。疲倦开始全身散发
我释放出所有的疲倦，让所有的事物自然的旋转着
我感觉到轻松。。轻松。。越来越轻松。。

感觉上全部已停止。。我也把时间都忘掉了
只感觉到呼吸。。。很自然的流动着
我注意我的呼吸，如在高山上的小河般流着
那么清晰。。那么自然。。充满生命力

啊。。好美丽的呼吸节奏，我之前从未注意过的
不用努力，但却很优美的流动着。。
我也忘记了，我在寻找和平的使命
我只知道。。我非常喜欢此刻。。

宁静。。安静。。无所干扰
轻松。。不用努力。。那么愉快
流动着。。很自然。。符合大自然的过程
没有其它的言语能描述这一切。。
除了。。和平

Translated into Chinese by Mei, 7 February 2009